jackthepianoman's Xanga

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Thu, 04 May 2006 18:08:33 GMT

SO ..... I have a my space, which is kinda cool...... jackthepianoman of course..... see ya there.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Tue, 04 Apr 2006 18:18:49 GMT

!!!! YEAH!!!! ME and sam are finally dating...... get the picture? I still flirt alot though.... Sorry sam, you cant change that..... ANYWAYS

TMINUS 3 Days till spring BREAK!!! :O) my god! I love you!

I found out that I have to do this super long chemistry packet, but thas ok. Why? Because we have a stupid AP exam. But that exam is like, worth a whole college credit, so thas cool!

One weird thing about me.......

..................Im Jack. What isnt weird?

PS.. You cant beat the classics, you know, they should remake that game.....

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Tue, 14 Mar 2006 21:05:34 GMT

Well, I know that it has been a while since I updated. My mom is still handicapped!! SUCKS!! Oh well. Kinda of in a transition phase of women..... IDK what to do. Ohh well.....

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Sun, 05 Mar 2006 18:53:37 GMT

!!!! My mommy has a fractured toe, so that sucks. I have to take care of her and stuff, so my hands are really full!!!

ANYWAY! I went to the movies on Friday with Jenn, Lillian, Justine, and others who just kinda tagged along.... GREAT MOVIE. Even though I missed the beginning cause I had to get Justines drink, WHICH SHE WASTED!!!! Just kidding, I dont care Justine, jou dont have to pay me back, dawg.

1 Thing to know about me!

I love animals!!! All of them. Except for LEOPORD SEALS!!!! SCARY!!

hmmmm....... Keep it real. Dont hate, dont take little things to seriously.

Love you all!!! bye

Friday, March 03, 2006

Fri, 03 Mar 2006 20:12:09 GMT

YEAH Its friday!!!!

Well, lent has started, and I have taken a bow of celibacy for 40 days and nights. If you dont know what that is, google it. Anyway, it SUCKS.

I dont know what to do about girls any more. I still like them a lot, but they just confuse me so much. I know that guys can be confusing too, but you know, I try to explain myself.

ONE THING YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT ME!!!!

1.) Theres a little truth in everything I say.

Im starting that so when I update there will be one of those every entry.

Well, You all should definitely talk to me. Because I just love you all. BYE

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Sun, 26 Feb 2006 19:49:27 GMT

Bow your head against a staff. It really is a feeling of letting all fear and worries go away, its as if your life depends on that staff and that it holds up. And all the cares go as the rod absorbs your weight.

Just thought that I should share that revelation.

ANY WAY.

I have just had a total spiritual breakthrough. Which is cool. Kind of private, when I say that, it kind of makes me sound agnostic.... hmm.. I dont want to force my beliefs on anyone. Well I suggest that you all read the book by Anne Rice, 'Memnoch the Devil'. It is the book that helped me come to this revelation.

Any way.

I just to want to know that I love you all, and I would do anything to see that you are safe. I hope that that message is clear. hmmm....

She really confuses me. I dont know what to do about her.......

I hope you all have a good week.

CYA

Monday, February 20, 2006

Mon, 20 Feb 2006 21:20:02 GMT

May the world be covered in darkness, and my soul be at the center of it. It will be a bright fire, showing that a soul still animates this shell of a human. All who dare to look upon the mortal fire of my soul will be consumed.

My sadness is tinged with the decomposing sweetness of my childhood. So, sometimes, I sing or think about music and it makes me unbearably sad. I know that somewhere inside me there are whole valleys of melancholy, oceans of pain but they remain untapped because I want to live.

But this is the exception. Otherwise, my emotional life is colourless and eventless, as dead as me. Oh, I feel rage and hurt and inordinate humiliation and fear. These are very dominant, prevalent and recurrent hues in the canvass of my daily existence. But there is nothing except these atavistic gut reactions. There is nothing else - at least not that I am aware of.

Whatever it is that I experience as emotions - I experience in reaction to slights and injuries, real or imagined. My emotions are all reactive, not active. I feel insulted - I sulk. I feel devalued - I rage. I feel ignored - I pout. I feel humiliated - I lash out. I feel threatened - I fear. I feel adored - I bask in glory. I am virulently envious of one and all.

My mental landscape is fiery and black, as though observed the day of an apocalypse.

So, here I am. An emotional hunchback, a fossil, a human caught in amber, dead, forever trapped in this shell.

My normal state is my very illness. I look like you, I walk the walk and talk the talk and I - and my ilk - deceive you magnificently. Not out of the cold viciousness of our hearts - but because that is the way we are.

I have emotions and they are buried in a pit down below. All of my emotions are acidulously negative, they are vitriol, the "not for internal consumption" type. I cannot feel anything, because if I open the floodgates of this cesspool of my psyche, I will drown.

And I will carry you with me.

And all the love in this world, and all the crusading women who think that they can "fix" me by doling out their saccharine compassion and revolting "understanding" and all the support and the holding environments and the textbooks - cannot change one iota in this maddening, self-imposed verdict meted out by the most insanely, obtusely, sadistically harsh judge:

By me.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Wed, 15 Feb 2006 22:49:49 GMT

Well, I guess today wasnt so bad, except that I fell on my ankle in tennis conditioning AGAIN. I expect total swelling by tomorrow. Oh well.

Hope she likes the flowers. FUCK.IDK what to do. Well, I kind of do, but I dont have the guts to.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Tue, 14 Feb 2006 22:45:13 GMT

FUCK!!!

WELL, IDK.

I guess my life will suck for many years. ......... I guess Im hopeless.

I wonder if I should just move on. Oh well. IDK what the hell to do. help?

Saturday, January 28, 2006

Sat, 28 Jan 2006 20:45:13 GMT

WELL... This week sucked... Im sad AGAIN..... HMMM

If I look like Im tired, Im not.... Im thinking about her.... DAMN

I just feel like im not good enough.... Im seriously starting to really work out.... Ya know, to help me feel better about myself........ I dont know what to DO!!! ANY HELP?!?! PLEASE?!?!?